Hi-Fi Keny

Rock 'n Roll (half) Marathon in Las Vegas

2010-12-20T15:44:00.000-08:00

Official Time: 2:00:50

Highlights:

Arriving in Vegas with 10 minutes to pick up my registration.
Being relegated to the same resort as the American Country Awards and the National Rodeo Finals.
FiAMMA Trattoria.
Getting THE call from bff Stephanie.
The entire 20th floor of the MGM smelling of pot (not from us).
Jamie's comment: "Why does it smell so skunky??"
Cruelty-free horse racing.
Waking up at 5:00 am with a hangover and rushing to the starting line.
Forgetting my iPod and anti-chaffing goo in aforementioned rush.
Beating my goal time.
Post-marathon beer garden and concert featuring notoriously disgusting Brett Michaels.
My naked body being pummeled by a very butch swedish woman.
Tipsy Ohio and her friend Drunk Ohio.

Sad Face :(

2010-11-03T12:53:00.001-07:00

Off The Grid - Sorta

2010-10-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

I’ve decided to spend this weekend in seclusion. I’ve gone off the grid (not completely, I still have wireless access and 3G on my various electro-computing-thingies). But I have locked myself away in a hotel room in Park City – not to be disturbed by anyone (save for room service), for three nights of self-reflection, hot tubbing, and marathon thesis writing. I’ve thus far been successful at all three.

Its eerie – here I am spending my time typing away on a keyboard in a hotel room at a giant resort that is a veritable off-season ghost town. I keep thinking I’m going to look down the hall and see twin girls or a tidal wave of blood coming from the elevator.

Anywho, its actually quite nice. I have my own little kitchen and beautiful view. And if I ever need human interaction, there is a little bar downstairs that usually has one or two Japanese tourists I can sorta chat with.

All work and no play makes Jack something something...

Wine Rack Win!

2010-10-17T20:29:00.000-07:00

YAY! Now it just needs a little sanding and some stain and I will have the rack of my dreams! (No pun intended)

Wine Rack Fail

2010-10-15T13:10:00.001-07:00

Well as I suspected, this little art project of mine would require multiple trips to Home Depot. Though, once I had everything all planned out, sketched out, and ready to cut some wood - I was surprised with how easily it all came together. Unfortunately, I went off the dimensions that I found online from the original designer which I think he put up specifically to throw me off. As you can see, its NOT the right size.

I will try again tonight with new dimensions that I've meticulously drawn up myself in hopes of getting something that works. In the mean time, if anyone wants this mis-aligned, barely functional piece of wood they are more than welcome to it!

My New Wine Rack*

2010-10-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

*Which technically I don't own yet.

I found this wine rack online and fell in love with it. It's the only wine rack I've seen that I think is even remotely well-designed. Problem is: 1) its mucho '$PEN$IVO, 2) it has actually been redesigned and now looks different than the one I like, and 3) I MAY want it in a different color.

So I'm thinking a few dozen trips to Home Depot and a budget that is three times the actual cost of just buying the damn thing seems like a real fun art project!

I'll keep ya posted. (I will, I promise)

Oh I almost forgot, notice the time this was posted...right below....you looking? Yep, its EARLY. I'm somehow a morning person now! Weird, I know.

2010-09-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

A while back I pondered whether or not to purchase a Kindle. I love to read and the thought of inexpensive, instant literature in a sleek electronics device (I do have a weakness for sleek electronic devices) should have been one of those things I went for without question - like beer or putting cheese on...anything. Then came the iPad - an even sleeker, sexier version of an already tempting piece of plastic and silicon.

But I was hesitant - and decidedly so. I can consolidate my music library on an iPod, my photos into a cloud, my friendships to facebook, but nothing electronic will ever satisfy me like turning a real page in an old fashioned book. I am a literary luddite.

Today I received the following email from one of my favorite booksellers:

Dear KEN,

September 10th is our 33rd birthday at The King's English! Birthdays are occasions for celebrating, and celebrate we shall! From 5-7 p.m. we're having a Birthday Bash in the grand style--wine and cheese, hors d'oeuvres galore, and discounts worth celebrating: 33% off everything on our shelves (from 5-7 only). So join us, and help us celebrate 33 years of bookselling to the best community of readers imaginable. Thirty-three years of anything is no mean accomplishment and to feel like celebrating after more than three decades of selling books is an indication of how much we love to do what we do and how much we love all of you.

Birthdays can be introspective occasions as well as occasions for celebrating--times for looking both backward and forward. Looking back to our beginnings, over three decades ago, we realize that even language was different. Back then, downloading meant moving the book from my nightstand to my lap and the word laptop hadn't even been invented. I'd scroll with my eyes, not my fingertip. And "E" was ubiquitous only on eye charts. Today we're enveloped in an e-world, with e-mail, e-tail, e-this, e-that. And the number one e-word on the minds of booksellers across the world today: e-books. Every time I turn around someone is asking about e-books--asking the way people ask about things they know mean trouble. You know, that combination of hushed sympathy and curiosity that is standard when people bring up something that they know may bring you pain.

Although we're not in terminal pain, or even a state of mild anxiety, the fact is, no bookseller who looks into the future can ignore the subject of e-books. Sure, the media hype has elevated e-books to a status past that of Michael Jackson's death and Lady Gaga's life combined, leading many of us who still love physical books to say that the death of the book has been greatly exaggerated. And yes, most of us who love to read love books with a passion that involves more than ink on the page. We love the book itself, its heft, the texture of the paper, the look of the font, the jacket, the overall design. We love our history with a given book and cherish its presence on our shelves where we revisit it from time to time, whether to re-read it or simply to run our fingers over its spine, remembering.

But however great our love for the book as a physical object, above all we love the content of books--the marshaling of words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, the beauty of the way the words and sentences combine to tell us about life or death, nature or nurture, what's true and what isn't, and by whose standards. As the media poses the question, What's so different, really, between an e-book and a book?; as publishers respond in helter-skelter (some might say hysterical) fashion to the demands of e-tailers for ever-lower prices; as authors panic, pontificate one point of view or another, any forward-thinking bookseller--or for that matter any forward-thinking reader--must not only grapple with the e-book question, but also try to answer it. As I think about the subject, I can't help but think we might all be reassured by substituting another e-word for "electronic." Like "extend" or "expand." Extend-books: Just one more way of transmitting/communicating ideas, knowledge, story, etc. Anyway, whatever the words we choose, please click on the block to the upper left to read To E or Not to E: That Is the Questionfor one bookseller's attempt to examine the role of e-books in the larger world of books, the relationship of readers to books and to e-books, and the role of independent booksellers to all of the above. It may seem complicated, but one thing's simple: our love of books, which grows stronger with each passing year. So come in and celebrate with us. Long live books!!!

Betsy Burton

Aside from the obvious question, "When was the last time I got a wine and cheese party from Amazon.com?" I wonder about the direction of books, information, and knowledge. Will book publishers go the way of newspapers - laying off quality, albeit expensive, reporters for cheep bloggers, investigative journalism for dimwitted "commentators"? Will the truly good writers be forced to blog - tracking content vs. click-through ratios and banner ad placements? Will their words become cheapened and muddled in unfettered internet ether? Worse yet, will quality writing fall to the depths of television? I hope not, reality TV makes me vomit.

Buy a book, a real book, preferably from a local bookseller - and stave off the destruction of civilization for when the tweens rule the world.

So eloquently put - Its time to get rid of this injustice!

2010-08-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

Dear America First Credit Union,

2010-07-31T11:30:00.000-07:00

Looks like we need to have a little talk...

The Eames Lounge Chair Post.

2010-06-12T09:07:00.000-07:00

I have wanted an Eames Lounge Chair for years. Alas, $4,000 dollars is a lot to spend on a chair. I know I shouldn't want things - things that are temporary, empty symbols of status and style, bourgeois materialist things that fill our lives with distractions from the irreparable mess of the world. In this financiapocolyptic, oil slick-drenched, rogue state nuclear pissing contest of a world, I still want an Eames Lounge Chair in walnut with chocolate leather, please. Shouldn't there be some karmic credit card I can charge so I won't feel so bad about wanting a sleek, sexy, stylin’ piece of furniture history?

I recycle, God damn it!

Some Stuff I Found By The Lake

2010-06-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

I took these pictures on Memorial Day. I have THOUSANDS of bug bites from the experience.

The Garden

2010-06-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

It had better not snow! If I so much as see one flake - god help you nature, I will declare war!

Cabin Weekend 2010.

2010-05-30T23:17:00.000-07:00

Sick Day

2010-05-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

Today I saw a school bus full of children come flying down the hill on 8th south past my house. The kids inside had their windows open, their hands in the air, and began to scream as if going down a roller coaster.

I would have killed to have that bus driver when I was a kid.

Skydive #2

2010-05-10T00:32:00.000-07:00

Yes, I did it again. Second time is WAY better than the first. Congratulations to Jamie on graduating! And to myself for also graduating! (I was surprised to see my name in the program again this year)

Here are pictures.

I Hear the Neighbors are Real Dicks!

2010-04-04T22:33:00.000-07:00

2010-03-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

A Change of Plans

2010-02-08T00:02:00.000-08:00

I started with this:

and intended the concrete to be stained a semi-transparant this:

But when it turned out like this:

(Without the camera flash it looked very much denim-blue)

i rented one of these:

and nearly broke one of these:

with the intention of redoing the floor to look like this:

so that one day, I may finally have a functional space like this:

(Courtesy of this)

Things that Annoy Me: #1,649

2010-02-02T10:52:00.001-08:00

I REALLY hate super-gracious, ultra polite customer service live chats. The whole reason I chose live chat over calling a customer service line is to bypass social interactions and the tedious niceties it entails.

Case in Point: Kaylee from AMEX.

Kaylee: You'll be prompted to change your passcode immediately.
Kaylee: Please click on the above link to sign in.
You: thanks.
Kaylee: The pleasure is all mine to assist an esteemed customer like you.
Kaylee: Kenneth, is there anything else that I can assist you regarding your Online ID and Passcode?
You: nope.
Kaylee: You're most welcome.
Kaylee: It was wonderful chatting with you today!
Kaylee: Take care and have a great day!!
Kaylee: May this day bring good luck and happiness to you!!

I've pasted only the last few lines of a rather lengthy conversation as to avoid having antisocial identity stolen - though I can assure you if this lady could have used emoticons of gigantic pink fluffy pandas she most definitely would have hurled a few my way.

I don't understand this luddist obsession with needing to talk to a "live person". I pretty much have a distain for about 95% of the people in the world and don't really want to talk to them to go about my day. The German in me demands efficiency! Give me robots, give me steely, monotoned responses that lack any semblance of a personality, and dammit - give me more self-checkout lines at the grocery store!

Thank you,
and my this day bring good luck and happiness to all my readers!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) LOLOL XOXOX

Sundance 2010: Already a Hit With Me!

2010-01-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

BANKSY IS HERE!

The Concept:

2010-01-20T13:16:00.000-08:00

So lets get caught up: I've graduated (kind of), I've moved to 9th and 9th, I cook now (very well I might add), I garden and compost, I walk my dog, I vacation with friends in the Caribbean, I'm a realtor-cum-web designer, I started a failed nonprofit (its the thought that counts), I bike frequently, and I was voted Man of the Year by Time Magazine.

My current major project (aside from my thesis - but I don't wanna talk about that), is a basement remodel which will house all the crap that I've tried to stuff into poor Ed's once tranquil bungalow. It now houses a hodge-podge of half-used paint cans, a myriad of brown cardboard boxes, black trash bags containing Christmas decorations, camping gear, and a biodiversity of arachnids that would make the Amazon jealous - all within a dank concrete cave partly painted blue in what I imagine was a pot-inlfuence spiritual experience. Phew - run on sentence. Here is a conceptual rendering of what I hope the basement will become:

The Rothko is negotiable as is the color of the rug, however I would prefer a piece of authentic contemporary art that I can afford on my realtor-cum-web designer budget. Everything else I pretty much already have except for the rug, shelves, and table. Before photos coming sooner, after photos coming later.

NEW POST*

2010-01-12T01:15:00.000-08:00

*Coming soon.

P.S. Thank G*d the Holidays are over!

P.P.S *o

Designer Studied at the Wendover School of Interior Decorating

2009-07-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

For Sale in Sale Lake! This glamorous three-bedroom can be yours for a modest $230,000 (and a case of pre-kyoto Aquanet).

Europe Pictures...A Little Late

2009-07-18T12:44:00.001-07:00

My Europe Flickr set

Some Call Spying, I Call it People Watching...

2009-07-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

I was completely consumed by these pictures posted on the NYT Photojournalism blog "Lens":

CLICK HERE!

Further, I thought the followup message answered my questions on my previous post about the lady, the ass, and the photographer:

Update | 12:44 p.m. A number of readers (Comments 2, 4, 6 and 19) have wrestled with the question of whether Mr. Wolf crossed a line of privacy in showing people so recognizably in their homes and offices. As we understand it, the legal question is whether the subject of the photo had a reasonable expectation of privacy. In most states, the courts tend to side with photographers who are on public property, or their own property, and take pictures of things that could be witnessed by any passer-by. The thinking is that people have no expectation of privacy if they have placed themselves where strangers can glimpse them. In the next week or so, we hope to revisit this whole subject in greater depth.

This Poor Woman

2009-07-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

I always wonder about the poor, unsuspecting people who's bulging bellies, asses, and cankles get photographed for all to gawk at on some nightly news report about rising obesity rates. Take the woman below for example, did she sign a waver allowing the AFP to use her ass? I imagine this is how it went down: some sleezebag 'photog' (I was watching TMZ last night), moves in for a close-up, snaps the money shot, and shortly after gets a swift dose of his subjects shopping square in the face. Regardless, I would hate to have the thighs the world sees as a thundering symbol of unhealthy eating habits.

Things I Love:

2009-05-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

Italy: Ready or not, here I come!

This isn't THE bonsai, the one that has died and made THREE miraculous comebacks - this is a stock photo. My bonsai keeps me company at work. Angry clients got you down? Find your center by pruning the hell out of one of these.

My Levi's STF: Soak 'em once. Air dry. Then wear. $30 will give you the best pair of jeans you will ever own.

My brand new Cannondale CAAD9 7. I took this thing up Emigration today. It triumphs.

My new Canon Rebel XSI: I have had so much fun with this sexy camera. You can check out Flickr to see the fantastic photos it has produced so far. Thanks Mom!

Thank God the warm weather has arrived. One of my all time favorite things about summer are flip flops. These will be my Summer '09 pair:

Mother's Day Highlights

2009-05-15T13:41:00.001-07:00

The Graduation Post : Master's Edition

2009-05-15T13:19:00.001-07:00

Graduation is supposed to be a time that elicits feelings of joy, relief, and accomplishment. While the past few weeks I have experienced each of those emotions at various stages of the graduation process (e.g. the obligatory mailing of announcements, the graduation dinner, commencement, and my personal favorite – waking up on Sunday knowing that I do not have a full day of homework ahead of me), graduation, to me, is always bittersweet.

I will miss the many people with whom I spent the past three years anguishing over readings, exams, presentations, and research. I will miss their intellect, their passions, and the different experiences and backgrounds they shared with everyone.

I will miss (some of) my professors. My favorites include: Rick Green, Cathleen Zick, Thad Hall, Paul Morris, Dave Patton, and yes, even Dan Levin. These folks are brilliant.

I will miss using my master’s degree as an excuse. “Oh – sorry I don’t have time to listen to you obsess about the guy you love that thinks your ugly but uses you anyway – I have homework.”

I will miss the union’s sushi, the ghostly halls of OSH at night, ditching Ethics to have a beer at The Pie with classmates, late-night power study sessions, fastidiously formatted power point templates, regression models with poor R-squared values, endless SAS coding to get better R-squared values, Wendover benders, public hearings about toilets, Dr. Levin’s self-deprecating anti-Semitic jokes, briefs – both legal and otherwise, jackhammers in the library’s quiet study area, the administrative law gang, beer, wine, whiskey, bad combinations of all three, old buddies, new buddies, one-eared buddies, and Bush flying off in a helicopter never to be heard from again! These are truly the stuff of life.

Graduation also signals the beginning of transition. While my plans are far from solidified (I need a vacation first), they will no doubt entail new challenges, new places, new people, and new perspectives. I will be saying goodbye to my apartment on 2nd South (and to about half of my clothes), I will be re-evaluating priorities (and people), and gearing up for a new chapter in life.

Special thanks to: My family, Ed, the professors listed above, Janell (for late night answers to homework questions), and Mel (for in-class gossip and entertainment).

Graduation, Race for The Cure, New Camera, Buddy

2009-05-10T06:42:00.001-07:00

Oh my, Oh me - this lunchmeat is bourgeoisie

2009-04-21T20:24:00.002-07:00

Few commercials have the ability to completely mesmerize me with whit, social commentary, AND a catchy tune - this is one of them.

Conservative Tea-Baggers

2009-04-15T23:09:00.001-07:00

The hypocrisy of it all - conservatives tea-bagging en masse? Wow!

Woman proudly displays her patriotic duty to tea-bag:

Shenaniganza: Peru Edition

2009-03-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

Holla to my Peru Crew!

I've been such a slacker in getting you guys the videos taken in Peru. I underestimated how much time it takes to upload and edit approximately 5 hours of footage, and how much space it eats up on my hard drive. However, I've thrown together a sneak peek of what's in store. I know its pretty rough looking but as soon as they hand my my effing degree I will have a boat-load of time to finish up this little project. Enjoy!

Vegas Post #113

2009-03-23T14:45:00.000-07:00

Nutshell: Beatles, Rapid Roulette, Buffets, Shots, Cher, Shots, Blueberry Flavored Shots, Flying Shoes, Casino Alarm Systems, Prostitute Trading Cards, Hangover, and TRADER JOE'S!

Weston about to perform some crazy black magic:

Thank you God (aka Trader Joe's) for these:

Finally, this little tune perfectly explains the Trader Joe's experience to the rest of Utah:

2009-03-17T11:36:00.000-07:00

I saw this guy at a drinking liberally fundraiser once. He's pretty funny.

Funny Gym Story #32

2009-03-03T23:52:00.001-08:00

In continuing my effortless attempt at being the most awkward, inelegant, and clumsy person in Salt Lake, I unwittingly decided to fly off a treadmill at my gym – during peak hours –lots of people watching.

*sigh*

If the sight of my stumbling face-first onto the healthometer didn’t draw enough attention, my bellowing “F-U-C-K!” while suspended mid-air sure did. It must have looked something like this:

To the hussy that snickered, I wonder if those surgically enhanced airbags will break your next fall.

Kirby: Sorry Sen. Buttars, gay rights won't destroy us

2009-02-25T10:26:00.001-08:00

By Robert Kirby
Tribune Columnist
Posted: 02/24/2009 11:57:35 AM MST

Last week, Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, reportedly announced proof that the gay rights movement posed "the greatest threat to America."
According to Buttars, homosexuals lack morals, engage in abominable behavior, are as dangerous as radical Islam, and -- I apologize in advance for saying this, but it's time someone in the media did -- actually fail to floss after every meal.
I consider myself one of the most intolerant people I know, but gays aren't even on my "Top 500 People Whose Guts I Hate" list. I checked it this morning.
Under "H," the list goes from "Happy Birthday Songs in Restaurants" to "Hitler, Adolf" without any mention of "Homosexuals." Nothing under "F" or "Q" either.
Perhaps I fail to appreciate what makes gays so dangerous. Tell me. Is there something else I should be adding to my 72-hour emergency kit? If society collapses -- and it's gays who caused it -- I want to be prepared.
Then again, maybe this is just another of those phony "America is doomed" scares, like giving women the vote. Nearly 90 years ago, people hollered that suffrage was an utter calamity to the American family. When the 19th Amendment passed, just look what happened.
Well, OK, there's really nothing to see except that the lines at the polls got longer. That's pretty bad but it didn't exactly ruin us.
And what about the dreaded Negro? Back when it was all white, didn't America once court disaster by giving blacks
Advertisement

the vote, property rights, civil rights and anything else?
People -- idiots mainly -- absolutely guaranteed that doing away with racial barriers would destroy the country. Today, nobody's even wearing a hard hat over it.
It could be that gays are more insidiously evil. The ones I know don't look it, but I've been wrong about appearances before. I was about Bigfoot. Still, let's see what happens when we're nice or even just grudgingly fair to gays.
In 1998, the federal government made it illegal to fire federal employees just for being gay. It's tough to fire federal employees anyway, but this was different. We held our breath and the Dow immediately stayed where it was.
There's always some horrible threat poised to destroy America, something we're doing that reactionaries say will cause God to unleash his wrath upon us. My grandfather thought it was tampon commercials.
Maybe it takes a long time for America's "greatest threats" to destroy it. It could be that we're actually being destroyed as we sit here talking about it. I'm not sure that's a bad thing.
With even a casual glance at our history, it's easy to see that the America people feared seeing destroyed has always been an outdated version that catered almost entirely to them.
Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com

2009-02-24T10:10:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day

2009-02-14T15:01:00.000-08:00

Yay for Stimulus!

2009-02-14T11:34:00.000-08:00

I'm glad congress saw this as a great opportunity to transition the country towards energy independence. One man's pork is another man's investment in high-tech jobs, renewable and clean energy, cutting edge technology, and energy solvency.

DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY
ENERGY PROGRAMS

ENERGY EFFICIENCY AND RENEWABLE ENERGY

For an additional amount for ‘‘Energy Efficiency and
Renewable Energy’’, $18,500,000,000 (WOH, THATS A BIG PACKAGE), which shall be used
as follows:
(1) $2,000,000,000 shall be for expenses nec-
essary for energy efficiency and renewable energy re-
search, development, demonstration and deployment
activities, to accelerate the development of tech-
nologies, to include advanced batteries, of which not
less than $800,000,000 is for biomass and
$400,000,000 is for geothermal technologies.

(2) $500,000,000 shall be for expenses nec-
essary to implement the programs authorized under
part E of title III of the Energy Policy and Con-
servation Act (42 U.S.C. 6341 et seq.).

(3) $1,000,000,000 shall be for the cost of
grants to institutional entities for energy sustain-
ability and efficiency under section 399A of the En-
ergy Policy and Conservation Act (42 U.S.C.
6371h–1). 24

(4) $6,200,000,000 shall be for the Weatheriza-
tion Assistance Program under part A of title IV of
the Energy Conservation and Production Act (42
U.S.C. 6861 et seq.).

(5) $3,500,000,000 shall be for Energy Effi- \
ciency and Conservation Block Grants, for imple-
mentation of programs authorized under subtitle E
of title V of the Energy Independence and Security
Act of 2007 (42 U.S.C. 17151 et seq.).

(6) $3,400,000,000 shall be for the State En-
ergy Program authorized under part D of title III
of the Energy Policy and Conservation Act (42
U.S.C. 6321).

(7) $200,000,000 shall be for expenses nec-
essary to implement the programs authorized under
section 131 of the Energy Independence and Secu-
rity Act of 2007 (42 U.S.C. 17011).

(8) $300,000,000 shall be for expenses nec-
essary to implement the program authorized under \
section 124 of the Energy Policy Act of 2005 (42
U.S.C. 15821) and the Energy Star program.

(9) $400,000,000 shall be for expenses nec-
essary to implement the program authorized under
section 721 of the Energy Policy Act of 2005 (42
U.S.C. 16071).

(10) $1,000,000,000 shall be for expenses nec-
essary for the manufacturing of advanced batteries
authorized under section 136(b)(1)(B) of the Energy
Independence and Security Act of 2007 (42 U.S.C.
17013(b)(1)(B)):

(11) $1,000,000,000 shall be for the discretionary
spending of Kenneth Wilks as authorized under section
i(MGR)(8) of the Homeskillet Security Act of 2009 (42 U.S.C. OMGSTFU).

Can't wait until I get my check. With that kind of money, surely we will be able to teleport by the year 2012 :)

25 Things

2009-01-31T11:57:00.001-08:00

Okay so after getting a bazillion of these in the past week I thought I would contribute.

1. The only foods I can say I really don’t like are: raw carrots, beans, and foie gras. That’s it; I pretty much devour everything else.
2. I have a gimp back. Some days I feel like I’m 70 years old.
3. I’m incredibly punctual. I’m always at least 10 minutes early for everything no matter what. If I am late to anything it is always intentional (i.e. fashionably late, or just plain punishment).
4. That said, I can’t stand people who show up late. My lot in life is to change them.
5. I wouldn’t be caught dead reading Twilight, Harry Potter, or a Dan Brown book. (not criticizing anyone who does – I have guilty pleasures too. See #6)
6. I’m addicted to the show Gossip Girl. And yes, I know.
7. I love to ride my bike up Immigration Canyon. I love the inner dialogue I have to go through in order to talk myself all the way up to the top – I get pretty funny with myself.
8. I hate snow. I absolutely hate it.
9. I love to waste my time watching cooking and travelling shows.
10. I love thinking of things I never thought I would do – and doing them. Accomplishments include: skydiving, hiking the Inca Trail, renting an apartment in Paris, and getting a masters degree.
11. I’m finding it incredibly difficult to find 25 things to say about myself. In fact, I can’t stand people who love to talk about themselves (especially people who can only seem to talk about their jobs). Also, a big pet peeve are self-congratulating people who brag about volunteering - sorry I just can't take your benevolence seriously.
12. I want a house and a dog. My magic eight ball says it is in the near future.
13. I am almost to the point where I can solve a rubik’s cube without instructions.
14. I’m a Democrat, environmentalist, gay rights activist, and completely proud and unapologetic about it.
15. I love to travel. For my next trips I want to go to Hong Kong, Dubai, Italy, Thailand, and Greece.
16. I had planned on being at the gym right now.
17. I literally drink a gallon of coffee a day. I think I would probably be a completely different person if I gave up coffee – it is who I am.
18. Marc Chagall, Mark Rothko, and Paul Klee are among my favorite artists.
19. Conrad, Sartre, and Sedaris are among my favorite authors.
20. I’m graduating with a master’s in public administration from the University of Utah in May. Since graduating high school, I have only taken two summers of school off. I love it – but my God I need a break!
21. I talk like a well-educated sailor, mixing big words with a great deal of four-letter words. I blame my surly diction on my friend Richard and an early exposure to the word “SHIT!” by my mom. ☺
22. I have two goldfish named Pico de Gallo and Rico Burrito.
23. I’m working on overcoming my pack-rattedness and transforming myself into a minimalist. It’s not going so well.
24. I rarely finish things I start…
25.

GLAAD Party Made Gawker!!

2009-01-19T13:45:00.000-08:00

Gawker Article
Also mentioned here (and I actually remember seeing this guy).

Here are the event details: With yours truly as host committee

One month later...

2009-01-11T21:10:00.000-08:00

Sorry for not posting in a while. Richard and I noticed this little ditty while watching the Golden Globes tonight (p.s. Collin Farrell, quit being so douchey and take out the earrings). Did ANYONE at Dick Clark Productions notice the irony in the design of their logo?

A Crime Against Humanity

2008-12-11T16:51:00.001-08:00

Lets hope that among the many charges federal prosecutors are able to come up with, Blagojevich's hair will not go unpunished. Srsly, that is ugly hair.

An Unexplained Visual Representation of a Stressful and Life-Altering Day

2008-12-09T00:10:00.000-08:00

Dear People,

2008-12-05T00:48:00.000-08:00

In the wake of financiapocalyptica ’08, many a Christmas shopper will find themselves in a quandary over how much to cut back and whether or not Johnny really needs that transvestite carebear. With the news rife with commentary on poor consumer spending, some of you republicans out there might feel it is your Christ-like moral duty to keep the economy going by splurging on a set of diamond encrusted 24”s for your Escalade. Luckily there is an alternative – please put down the Amex and consider the following :

• Currently 1 in 10 Utahns live in poverty. A family of four living in poverty makes just over $20,600 a year to cover health care expenses, shelter, food and other household expenses (U.S. Census Bureau, 2007).

• 1 in 8 children in Utah live in poverty (U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, 2005 Annual Social and Economic Supplement).

• During a 24-hour survey period, 399 victims of domestic violence received housing services from a domestic violence program, either in emergency shelter or transitional housing (the National Census of Domestic Violence Services Executive Summary for Utah).

• Last year, both the winter emergency shelter and the Salt Lake Community Shelter served an unduplicated 3,862 individuals for a total of 222,581 nights of shelter. In addition, the housing program helped 180 households move from homelessness into housing (theroadhome.org).

• Utah is ranked 4th in the nation for the highest rate of food insecurity. More than 345,700 individuals are at risk of missing or skipping a meal due to a lack of resources (US. Department of Agriculture, Household Food Security in the United States, 2007).

• Salt Lake County's HIV infection rate was up by more than 32% in the first quarter of 2008. (Utah Aids Foundation)

The statistics could go on, and on, and on. When considering your holiday activities this year, remember that while the financial troubles will undoubtedly affect us all in some way, it will affect some a lot more than others. There are wonderful people out there helping the less fortunate and, given the circumstances, are struggling to stay afloat. More than ever, it is important that we not forget those people and organizations that dedicate their time and energy into providing services to the needy. This year, instead of dumping money at Nordstrom or Target, consider supporting your non-profit of choice. If you don’t know where to start, here is a list of some of my personal favorites:

Utah Food Bank
YWCA of Salt Lake City
Utah Aids Foundation
St. Judes Children's Research Hospital
No More Homeless Pets in Utah
Fourth Street Clinic

This Is What I Love

2008-12-04T14:50:00.001-08:00

I have eaten here three times this week!

Say Cheese!

2008-11-21T00:53:00.000-08:00

This beautiful slice of swiss was handcrafted with superior grade cardboard and industrial strength wire with a supple, ultra-light foam finish. Lightly sprayed with a sunglow yellow, its emmentalesque faux finish suggests a piquant disposition that whisks one away to bucolic Switzerland. This superb specimen of fromage can be yours if you simply REMOVE IT FROM MY DAMN APARTMENT!

New Fascination: The Royal Family

2008-11-20T15:18:00.000-08:00

After a tragic run of technical difficulties I have finally got my cable back up and running. While I admit my excitement over this minor triumph has more to do with endless hours of viewing Food Network Thanksgiving (I like to imagine Rachel Ray’s fingers being chopped off by a gin-soaked Paula Dean), I have, in fact, found an addiction that is a bit more educational. All hail Monarchy: The Royal Family at Work.

The series chronicles a year inside the lives of the British royal family. One episode is dedicated entirely to the Queen’s recent trip to the United States. I found the contrast in mannerisms between the Queen and her staff against the backdrop of the uncouth and crass American politicians and public to be hilarious – if a bit sad. I also loved watching the Queen’s photo shoot with one of my all-time favorite photographers, Annie Leibovitz (her photo of the Queen is the one above). From state dinners to royal duties, I thoroughly enjoy a bit of British aristocracy to accompany my evening ritual of a cabernet avec Family Guy nightcap.

2008-11-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

2:29:07 PM somecoolgal: FYI instead of saying WTF, we will now only say Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
2:29:57 PM Kenneth Wilks: but the whole point of having an acronym is to keep it short and simple - and how the hell am I supposed to remember whiskey tango and foxplot - FOXTROT (see i forgot it already)
2:30:19 PM somecoolgal: WTF is so last month
2:30:22 PM somecoolgal: trust me
2:30:52 PM Kenneth Wilks: its an oldie but goodie - some things make their way into the vernacular for good reason!
2:31:40 PM somecoolgal: like whatev?
2:31:51 PM somecoolgal: cause all I gotta say is whatev, Keny, whatev
2:32:42 PM Kenneth Wilks: STFU

2008-11-04T13:05:00.000-08:00

Fort Collins

2008-10-29T22:11:00.000-07:00

The trip to Fort Collins was a great success – better than I could have anticipated. First off, who knew Fort Collins was so cool? Not me. What I thought would be hickville turned out to be a fun little college town with fun little bars, fun little restaurants, and fun little dogs dressed up for Halloween in a fun little parade.

However, hickville turned out to be exactly where the Obama camp wanted us canvassing. When they handed us the map they didn’t say that the neighborhoods they were sending us to didn’t have paved roads, cell reception, or sanitary bathrooms for many, MANY miles. I did about all I could before I finally gave up for fear of being chased off with a shotgun or eaten by a dogbear (I couldn’t tell if it was a dog or a bear). We did reach an undecided though – I’m sure it will make all the difference.

The next morning we stuffed ourselves full of breakfast (which was a good idea because it was the last meal we would have until well into the drive back to Salt Lake that night) and went to the CSU campus for the rally. 45,000 people showed up for this event. The line stretched for 2.5 miles! But we weren’t there for a free show; we were there to help (and sorta for the show). We jumped into the volunteer pile and wound up assisting in the ADA section, which wound up being close enough to Barack that we could practically smell the secret service detail’s cheap cologne. Speaking of secret service – they aren’t the friendliest characters but really come in handy when a creepy and very able-bodied guy tries to sneak into the ADA section.

Obama’s speech was great. He was funny, charismatic, and made me think that it might actually be possible to fix Bush’s eight years of failure. For a moment I was able to tune out my usual pessimism and actually felt hopeful, and then a little angry with the many people who claimed to be disabled that were jumping for joy as well. I guess Obama has healing powers too.

My Own 'Great Shlep'

2008-10-23T23:50:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I shlep across the boarder to our neighboring swing state - Colorado! While Richard, Kaylan, Ed and I had been planning for a while to do a little campaign work in Fort Collins this weekend, we had no idea that our trip would coincide with a visit from the man himself! I know I'm asking a lot, but will all the mormons who are already hell-bent of voting McCain at least say a little prayer in their head that I will get in to the Obama rally? Karyn, I promise that if I make it on CNN I will totally say hi in secret code ;)

Kisses from the campaign trail!

Happy Effing Birthday

2008-10-09T23:20:00.000-07:00

It was supposed to be a birthday of basking in Baja California sunshine. It was supposed to be a break from endless SAS coding, regression models, and boring discussion groups with longwinded graduate students who love hearing themselves talk.

It was supposed to be this:

Instead I get...

THIS:

Fuck mother nature! There, I said it! Next week I am NOT going to ride my bike instead of driving.

Kevin's Groin Gets Media Coverage

2008-10-01T12:51:00.000-07:00

"It was a tough loss," said defensive end Kevin Wilks, who didn't practice Wednesday because of a sore groin, but expects to play today. "We feel like we could have played better and beat those guys. We hate to lose both games in the fourth quarter. We have to put it past us and work hard."

She's The Carrie That Writes About Stuff That Is Actually Important!

2008-09-30T23:15:00.000-07:00

I would like to take this opportunity and call everyone's attention to my brilliant friend Sheena and her great article in Catalyst Magazine.

More McCain Bashing - I Just Can't Get Enough!

2008-09-25T12:44:00.000-07:00

We'll socialize Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and AIG, but not healthcare?

2008-09-18T00:32:00.001-07:00

I understand the logic – confidence in the banking system is necessary to keep us from heading toward another great depression. With banks failing and our FDIC safety net running out of funds, shit will really start to hit the fan when the nations largest insurer (which provides countless banks with credit default insurance) goes under. Today the American taxpayer bought a failing company for $85 billion ($750 per family). In all, taxpayers will have paid out over $800 billion to bail out a whole host of bad business decisions from overzealous, risk-neutral, unregulated ass-hats in what has been deemed a financial disaster.

The only disaster a republican can respond to is when rich people start losing money. “DEREGULATE! DEREGULATE!” And when things go to hell, McShame will do a complete one-eighty and demand regulation. Meanwhile, 45 million Americans are living without health insurance. We can justify allowing the private sector to run as rampant as Palin’s daughter, turn around and throw $800 billion at a handful of rich pricks to keep them from going under, yet we can’t expand the Children’s Health Insurance Program because it’s a move towards socialization of healthcare?!

ShenaniGuide: Peru Edition

2008-09-09T01:08:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying that I could never adequately express what an amazing and beautiful country Peru is. The pictures I include here in no way do the country's diverse landscape, rich culture, and fascinating history justice. In a way, the experience is like a secret held among the five friends that descended on an innocent South American country and shenanigized the hell out of it – returning with broken backs, blistered feet, and soaring spirits.

We started our journey independently arriving at the Lima airport all within a few hours of each other. It was late at night and our connecting flight to Puerto Maldonado wasn’t until the next morning. Rather than brave the streets of Lima, we joined the many rugged adventure travelers that had sprawled out on the airport floor to catch a bit of shut-eye. The next morning, we’d be in the jungle.

Another flight, bus ride, and what felt like an eternal boat ride up the Rio Tambopata later, we arrived at the Reserve Tambopata, a wildlife refuge in the jungle. In no way had I expected our accommodations to be as spectacular as they were. With no electricity, no warm water, and everything open-air, we spent the next four days enjoying all the jungle had to offer. As far as wildlife goes we saw monkeys, parrots, caymen, lizards, snakes, a billion other crazy birds, a trillion crazy insects, funky squirrels, and a giant frog hanging out in my bathroom. As far as deadly wildlife we saw a poisoned dart frog, a ferdiland snake, a bunch of deadly spiders, and me at 4 am without coffee. Oh, and I dropped by brand new video camera in piranha infested waters – retrieving it through the wildly ballsy move of plunging my bare hand in after it.

We departed the jungle Cusco bound. I’ll skip the airport mayhem (FYI visa is NOT everywhere you want to be) and get to the good stuff. After acclimating over coca leaves and Cusquena beer, I embarked on my surgical début by disassembling my video camera using a steak knife on the bed of our hostel, drying it piece by piece with a mini blow-dryer, and reassembling it. The sound of my video camera’s dumb little jingle at startup was akin to hearing the voice of God, I melted with joy – IT STILL WORKS!

Cusco was crazy. The food was amazing. The people were great. The exchange rate rocked socks. I was in heaven. If you ever have time in South America, make it a point to visit Cusco, the history will blow you away.

Finally the Inca Trail. While I was looking forward to seeing Machu Picchu, the thought of hiking for four days with a bad back was not entirely that exciting. However, day one had me hooked. I would tell anyone who takes the train to Machu Picchu that they are doing themselves a serious disservice – you miss everything. The scenery and the breadth of incredible archeological sites along the Inca Trail make Machu Picchu more like icing on the cake, rather than the entire point of the journey.

Throughout the trip we met some amazing people and had some incredible laughs. To do the story justice would require weeks of drunken story telling. (I haven’t even mentioned how I declared war with England!!!) Enjoy the photos!

Dear Diligent Reader,

2008-08-12T15:48:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed a dearth of content on kenywilks.blogspot.com as of late. I would like to take this opportunity to reassure you that I will be back in full force when I return from Peru in September. Until then we will have to make due with the random youtube video and blackmail photos of friends (see below).

As for the summer update: school was shmeh, I had a professor that was pretty awesome, and one that I wanted to see bouncing off the hood of a semi-truck going freeway speeds. I got a HUGE PROMOTION at work that I’m pretty ecstatic about. I finally bonded with Buddy – no more ‘back-off-bitch’ looks. I bought a house! (translation: Kaylan bought a house and I like to live vicariously through her)

A week from tomorrow I will be boarding a Peru-bound plane. I got my shots and currently have the typhoid salmonella bacteria reproducing in my body so that my lower intestines can develop immunity and I have a reduced chance of death. (these little things are now reproducing inside me – CREEEPY)

I also invested in a Steripen. Its pretty freakin’ sweet. It emits a UV light that destroys the DNA of microbes, keeping them from reproducing in your tummy once ingested from ominous South American water sources. I.e. I can avoid having a SATC Charlotte-in-Mexico moment.

I can’t wait to see the Amazon and later Machu Picchu, it’s sure to be an unforgettable experience. Doing the entire trip via backpack and the multi-day hike through the Peruvian Andes is going to be intense. There will be plenty of photos when I return. Until then, just pray the Shining-path terrorists don’t start kidnapping tourists again (haha teasing mom).

Adios!

Kennybenny

More Fun Stuff

2008-08-12T15:39:00.000-07:00

See you at the debates, bitches!

2008-08-07T10:50:00.000-07:00

Paris Hilton Responds to McCain Adfunny videosFunnyOrDie.com

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

2008-07-27T23:48:00.001-07:00

Sorry Mom, I now have one less reason to call you:

How long has this been in the refrigerator?

Happy Pioneer Day!

2008-07-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

A Few Things I Either Want, Have, Or Am Fascinated By:

2008-07-24T01:03:00.003-07:00

Dubai and its new moving tower.

The new federal court house between 3rd and 4th on Main. ETA 2011.

I want this.

Nobrow Coffee - its interior makes me swoon and its just a block south of my apartment!

Weighing in at over 3 lbs. with over 1200 dense pages, this epic biography of Tammany Hall era Robert Moses has been a great summer read.

Kaylan's neighbors.

Weekend in Photos pt. XXVII

2008-07-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

Random and unexplained photo history of my weekend. I'm gearing up for finals so I'll be more interesting next week.

Sunday Funday

2008-06-29T16:50:00.000-07:00

This little video kept Richard and I entertained for a bitty. Its the Soviet version of Winnie the Pooh - Vinnie the Puh.

Toxic Mold and West Nile Conspiracy!

2008-06-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

So can we talk about toxic mold? I'm sorry but I'm just a non-believer. You know those types that will bulldoze their entire house and say “good thing we caught that before it killed us! I noticed I was having a hard time breathing” I've never heard of anyone dying from having mold growing on their walls – for God’s sake woman put down the Marlboros and pick up the 409!

Today I read this in the trib:

“ Last week, Fire Chief Brad Wardle locked up Station 54 at 9351 S. 5595 West after a private consultant reported that the mold found during a bathroom renovation is hazardous. It would cost $56,000 to $70,000 to remove the mold and replace the leaky roof, he said.”

Really?

Also - I don’t believe in west nile virus. I feel fine and I’ve been walking chum for mosquitoes this week. I’m a veritable pin cushion for proboscis.

The Lake

2008-06-23T13:03:00.000-07:00

A Dream Like A Bad B-Movie

2008-06-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

I have always had a closeted fascination with psychoanalysis. Once instructed by a Yale-psychoanalyst-turned-Utah-film-professor in my undergrad days to “deconstruct the phallus” I became hooked. It wasn’t so much the sexual innuendo that goes into the symbolism of the psyche that I found fascinating, it has more to do with the socio-political power structures society creates around those symbols. Okay, it was the sexual innuendo, but lets be honest, its not so much innuendo as an open handed bitch-slap across the face with sexuality.

I read it all – Frued, Lacan, Jung, and even dabbled in surrealism like any post-grunge, theory neophyte. I waxed poetic about Foucault with Pomo-Pat L at the old Coffee Garden (god how pretentious), and would label various things as “oh, sooo panopticonic” (Lets all take a collective sigh of relief that I outgrew this phase).

Today I found myself reliving my glory days as a wanna-be theorist in trying to analyze a dream I had last night. In this dream, I was being chased by a red and black bug that looked somewhat like a cross between a spider and a praying mantis. While I probably don’t need to remind my more diligent readers, for the rest let me premise that I have a horrible, awful, gonna scream like a girl until I pee – fear of spiders. And I pretty much did that in my dream – scream and pee.

Oh, and I had three giant boobs.

Yeah I’m not really sure where that came from either. So there I was – being chased by a giant spider avec mon trios cha-cha (would that make it a cha-cha-cha?) I remembered being as terrified about the boobs as the giant bug.

I’m not quite sure how to deconstruct this one except to say that I should probably just lay off the sauce and avoid shirts that lift and separate.

Below is a graphic illustration of my dream:

Craigslist Find:

2008-06-19T13:38:00.000-07:00

Ferocious Attack Kitten

Date: 2008-06-02, 7:10PM CDT

Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.

This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:

* insects

* other trained attack kittens

* babies

* toilet paper

* anything under a blanket

* unwanted house guests
* paper bags

* floor rugs

* Chuck Norris

* Feet.

Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.

Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.

Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.

Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars.

For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.

If Michelangelo had been straight, the Sistine Chapel would have been wallpapered. ~Robin Tyler

2008-06-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

The annual gay pride festivities typically garner the biggest and best parties of the year. From flame-throwing drag queens to mullet-toting, man-eating lesbians, I generally make every effort to live out the weekend with bacchanalian fervor. This year was no exception. And with recent advances in the equal rights movement, the gay community had reason to celebrate (the bad news is we still live in Utah).

Red, though, this state may be, this year the gay pride celebrations ranked as the second largest festival in Utah, second only to the days of 47 parade. And since the local newspapers generally underestimate the crowd that turns out to the parade AND festival, I wouldn’t be surprised if we were, in fact, ranked number one – cuz damnit, the gays knows how to host a party! Two days after and I’m still recovering - while I’ve managed to reduce the headache from “epic” to “nuisance” I still have the flavor of single barrel whiskey and cheap festival gyros staining my pallet.

The new addition to this years festival (Ed and Billy) made for a riotous time. Who knew the lesbians would be infatuated with Billy? It was a match made in gay-heaven. We even partied with a High School Musical set designer and teen pop sensation and elective-surgery pro Ashley Simpson! Below is a very incomplete photo-tour of the weekend. If you have more pictures, please email them to me!

Jamie, Billy, Ed, Mandy, Me, Stephanie.

Public transit mayhem

More public transit mayhem

More still...

Drag queen or Ashley Simpson?

Jamie with a drag queen on her shoulder

Drag queen for real this time:

EPIC MULLET

Hillary Clinton

2008-06-09T01:07:00.000-07:00

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchill

2008-06-04T16:47:00.000-07:00

Jamie: awww
Jamie: sad
Jamie: :(
Jamie: hiwwary
Jamie: hiwwary cwinton
Kenneth Wilks: in my head i can hear you saying that
Jamie: lol all pouty
Kenneth Wilks: you should storm into my classroom and scream "its an EMERGENCY!!! KENY COME QUICKLY!!!"
Jamie: that would rock
Kenneth Wilks: i think i can muster a cape
Jamie: are you there already?
Kenneth Wilks: yep
Jamie: please take this with the utmost sympathy
Jamie: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Jamie: SUCKS TO BE YOU!!
Jamie: lol
Kenneth Wilks: your such a hooker
Jamie: MWAH!
Jamie: kisses and hugs
Jamie: ;)

The Fam

2008-06-04T14:04:00.000-07:00

I hung out with the some of the fam this week for some food and fun. Here are pictures - I don't really have time these days to blog anything interesting. Maybe next week.

Camille, Michelle, and Grandma K holding the triplets.

OMGSF

2008-05-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

Here are some photos of my weekend in San Francisco. I decided to take advantage of the three day weekend and drop in on my good friends Sheena and Ian. Sheena had moved back out there a few months ago so it was great to see her again.

This is the view from our hotel window. We stayed at the Mandarin Oriental right in the heart of the financial center.

So this random guy shows up at this random bar riding this giant bike. I was all "hey can we take pictures of your bike" and he was all "sure - let me tell you the entire history of this bike." Apparently he paid like $300 just on shipping.

I took this picture while walking back from North Beach to our hotel after brunch. Its perty.

Ian, Sheena, and Ed in Sausalito.

Sausalito.

I'm going to refrain from making a reality tv reference here.

Moi

2008-05-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

I'm on campus reading before class.

I'm in CRCC after hours - long, empty, stately halls that echo even a pin drop.

I just produced a gargantuan sneeze.

I've never felt so empowered while sneezing.

Thank God For Google Streetview!

2008-05-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

When Google deployed thousands of camera-ready cars to canvass the streets of the world - it was inevitable that some pretty random stuff would turn up. Here are a few of my favorites:

Hookers!

Gravity defying car!

Not so innocent high school prank

E.T. with accompanying laser beam

Zoom out just a bit to see dude picking his nose

Click the picture, rotate it, and ponder just how this car wound up hitting this tree

"Hey Google Geek! Check out THESE!"

Richard's Big Day

2008-05-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

Richard ultimately lost his race for national delegate, but not without a fight (and some killer photo-ops).

I'll take partial blame for the loss which may have been a result of the lethal amounts of whiskey that were consumed the night earlier. This is Jamie's way of proving that after several shots - she can still stack 'em like a pro.

Brothers and Sisters: Like in real life, a big disappointment.

2008-05-11T23:50:00.000-07:00

WARNING: PLOT SPOILER

Tonight I watched the season finale of Brothers and Sisters. Is it just me, or did it seem like the writers were still on strike – cramming several weeks worth of plot development into one underwhelming shebang? And how is it that a major character gets married and it somehow takes back seat to some torrid, incestuous tryst, and the revelation that el Walkerismo begat yet another bastard? Is it that impossible to imagine a new direction or must we go through another season of the family business almost meeting its demise and the assimilation of yet another love child? And I must say I found the timing of the weather advisory to be a bit suspect – right during the big gay wedding we get a beeeeeeeeeep – the national weather service blah blah blah. Ugh.

In all honesty my real-life brothers are in no way as disappointing. They at least know how to keep everyone on their toes and make life a little interesting – what with their criminal backgrounds and all.

Wendover, Nevada: A Kaleidoscope of Color and Dreams

2008-05-07T11:25:00.000-07:00

The story begins as I climb into Richard's car Tuesday evening to greet Richard and Stephanie with a "what the hell are we going to do tonight?" We tossed around the idea of a movie, a bar, or possibly walking around the park. Then it came to us like a sweet mistress calling from a desert oasis - WENDOVER! After the mayhem that ensued last night I have renewed faith in my friends and their ability to throw out all common sense and responsibility for a good old fashioned bender in the worlds trashiest casinos. Ladies and gentleman I bring you the sights, the sounds, the people - the unmistakable mystique of Wendover, Nevada:

Shiny walls inside the Rainbow - or are they really one-way windows that government researchers use to spy on unsuspecting red-necked gamblers.

After winning big I hit up the gift shop and bought one of each for Ed (I think they'll look great as the new centerpiece for his table):

And a pet for buddy - to teach him some responsibility:

Lady Luck herself:

Big-ass bugs:

Kenny Tyler Moore:

More Evidence That God Hates Me

2008-05-06T15:43:00.000-07:00

For the most part I try to be a manly man. I will randomly belt out the occasional Madonna tune in a Patrick Lagua-esque pitch with hands flailing daintily and glitter shooting out my ass – but I generally try to stick with the grunting and scratching and the smashing of Bud Light cans on my forehead.

The following is not on of those manly moments.

Many know – but few have ever experienced – my morbid fear or spiders. We’re not talking the kind of fun, exhilarating fear that one experiences when flying down a mountain or jumping out of a plane. We’re talking about the kind of fear that seizes your lungs, stops your heart, and somehow unleashes urine all over a freshly cleaned pair of Banana Republic chinos.

A few days ago while driving to the gym and entering the I-15 onramp, (sidenote: for fear of being seen by people I know because of a malignant tumor/fetus on my face I went to a gym in BFE/Taylorsville) I was humming along to a little tune when I saw a spider crawling on the inside of my windshield right above me. I had two choices – let my carnal instinct take over and run my car off the overpass crashing dozens of feet below and probably taking out a homeless person or two – or, I could calmly pull over and dispose of the spider saving the lives of many a freeway-goer and innocent homeless person. I chose something somewhere in the middle.

While it’s mostly a blur, I’m 90% sure I didn’t kill anyone. A few f-bombs and swerves later I was pulled over on the side of I-15 jumping like a spaz and slapping every square-inch of my body while simultaneously shaking my fist at the heavens in some grand blasphemous statement. It was quite the show. Had this been rush-hour I’m sure I would have made the 7 o’clock news – ‘LOCAL HOMOSEXUAL DOES RAIN DANCE ON I-15!’ yells Rod Decker. GAAAYBORHOOD! (its funny because he’s short).

So there ya go – not fun times when spiders are involved.

The Mexican Indian

2008-05-04T20:59:00.000-07:00

This is my brother starring as the Mexican Indian - note the feathers AND the killer poncho. His oscar-worthy performance has us all asking "black or pinto beans?!"

See Kenny Fly

2008-05-02T15:23:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to ripping the video from my skydiving dvd. I didn't like how they put the DVD together so I took the video and made my own little movie out of it. I mostly just wanted to play around with the iMovie software.

Random Photos Part A Hundred and Fiddy

2008-04-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not particularly sure what order the photos below will appear in so the following description is left for the reader to decipher. Buddy = the wittle boy who chews on my wallet - The Heroin Bears - The reason I don't cook - The bitches whilst strolling the park - The place I made Richard cry like a four year old girl who missed Hanna Montana because I beat him at 6 straight games of pool (don't worry, I took him out to ice cream afterwards).

Someone Should Get a Raise

2008-04-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

I can’t take any credit for this whatsoever but I had to pass it on. Apparently my guilty pleasure has made quite a splash with the Pope. Timed perfectly with his arrival in New York was the Gossip Girl's ad campaign plastered on every wall, billboard, building etc. I guess the network is taking a lot of heat for it, you can see why:

Welcome to America Pope!

Radaronline.com made their own fun little version of the ad:

I should really watch the blasphemy, now that I’m dating a catholic.

The Tudors/Peru

2008-04-21T01:24:00.000-07:00

If you happen to find me at a renaissance fair, shoot me between the eyes. Then blame Showtime’s The Tudors for the destructive influence it’s had on what little coolness I had left. Sex, politics, pedigree, backstabbing, its like Cruel Intentions but set during the reign of King Henry the VIII (and with royalty and not snotty twenty-something actors trying to pass for high schoolers – ok so I guess I could have worked on a better comparison).

Also, the trip planning is coming along swimmingly. To recap for those out of the loop, I have booked a two-week trip to Peru with my friends Jen, Rosa, Stevie, and Michelle. We will be spending 4 or 5 days at a reserve on the Amazon. The lodge we will be staying at is made up of grass/wood huts with no electricity or warm water. Following our jaunt into the deepest recesses of the jungle is the grand pièce de résistance – a four-day hike up the Inca Trail to see Machu Picchu. Scattered throughout the trip will be the usual mayhem and drunken shenanigans that typify my global search for the perfect backdrop for a Myspace photo.

But damn, this is actually serious stuff. The list of vaccines I need for my trip to the Amazon include: Yellow Fever, Hepatitis A, and Typhoid. Not to mention anti-malaria medicine. The nurses I’ll be traveling with also suggested Viagra to help in the event we get altitude sickness on the hike – right, as if I wont have sufficiently offended the people of Peru with my broken Spanish and annoying picture taking as it is. And I’ve been warned about a certain parasite in the Amazon that swims up the youknowwhat, lodging itself in with sharp spines. Seriously, this is God’s sick, sick joke, right?

Its official

2008-04-16T22:31:00.000-07:00

Two weeks in Peru including four days on the Inca Trail and several days on the Amazon. I'm stoked.

Also, I can't wait for the return of Gossip Girl!

Iron Chef

2008-03-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

I made lettuce wraps. Gooood lettuce wraps.

Low-Flow a No Go?

2008-03-26T22:13:00.001-07:00

I’ve been way to busy lately but I’ve had several people request that I write up this story – its just too good.

Side-note: you may have seen a King of the Hill episode that is strikingly similar to the story I’m about to tell. I guarantee that none of this is made up or stolen. The events that took place actually happened and I have witnesses willing to testify to this fact.

So as a little project for my administrative law class I attended a public meeting of a regulatory commission to study the legal process by which government agencies regulate with an iron fist. As a matter of time and convenience I attended the Utah Uniform Building Code Commission. It was an early morning meeting (so before I had to be at work) and at the state capital (very close to my apartment). However the subject matter could not have sounded more ridiculously dull. Oh how I was proven wrong.

The UBCC got off to a pretty typical start. A bunch of old, white men approve the agenda with an aye and kick off what, according to the docket, appears to be a dry discussion of building code and compliance. The proverbial shit hit the proverbial fan when the commission reached item number three on the docket:

3. Review proposed amendment for IPC Section 604.4 Maximum flow and water consumption (either as statewide or as a local Murray City amendment)

Murray City was hoping to pass an amendment to the UBCC code requiring approval from the Commission before requiring the installment of water-conserving fixtures. Basically they didn’t want to have to get the states permission to force builders to install low-flow toilets. A representative for Murray city was on hand to give a nice presentation on the wonders of water conservation and the need to be proactive in planning future use of their public utilities – sounds pretty decent of Murray if you ask me.

She brought along representatives from Murray City Public Utilities to talk about increased strain on the existing infrastructure and how it would provide a better alternative than to just increase impact fees on builders. She also brought along someone from the Utah Rivers Council to go over an environmental shpeal that really warmed my heart – this sucker was ready to get pushed through with a glowing recommendation by the commission.

Enter the greedy capitalists –

In typical American democracy fashion those who lacked foresight beyond their own wallet attempted to stymie the passage of the amendment. Further, those with no interest in the proposed amendment, but just wanted something to bitch about, jumped on the opportunity to have their voices heard (regardless of unnecessary their comments were).

It’s a bit cliché to say that a discussion of low-flow toilets quickly turned into bathroom humor, but let me remind you – I’m not making this stuff up. Representatives from the Utah Builders Association quickly refuted piles of scientific data with what they thought was an equally convincing personal account of his own experience with low-flow toilets.

"If we force people to install low-flow toilets, it won't do any good. People will just flush twice!"

Another party promptly inserted, "I just built a house and had those low-flow toilets, and they don't work. So I bought the Avalanche, and I threw my plunger away."

"That's a mute point." (not moot, just mute. It can't talk)

One guy said that with low-flow toilets he found himself having to flush 5 or 6 times. His adversary yelled from across the table “sounds like a problem with your diet!” This was getting good – and personal!

Soon you had representatives for building contractors whipping his mullet in a fury with a "You've got people going to DI and Salvation Army...I mean, there's a black market for old toilets!" (yes, apparently there is a black market for old toilets in Utah – who knew?!). I half expected a wide-eyed and cocked-head “SNAP!” to follow.

To bring order to the unwieldy, torch carrying villagers, the chair appeased the naysayer with a motion to establish an ad hoc committee to study the effects of low-flow technology. At this point in the meeting I was finding it hard to breath because I was laughing so hard. I turned to my friend Janell and threatened to nominate her to the ad hoc committee. Hell, I almost nominated myself. This is grade-A fodder for a political junkie like me.

If you want to educate America on the democratic process you need only to visit your state capital on a weekday morning and you might just happen upon a discussion about shit - literally. From this discussion you will see the process of administrative rulemaking take place. Different parties will present their positions on shit, they will debate about shit back and forth, they will question shit-regulating justiciability, and they will also create ad hoc committees to study shit. In the democratic process nothing is uncontroversial. A simple discussion on building code and low-flow toilets was enough to bring out the fury in red-neck, mullet toting, anti-conservationists.

P.S. the quotes are courtesy of Janell and I’m sure you can obtain minutes from the meeting if you want to file a GRAMA request seeing as though they may not make it online.

Today’s Top Two Awkward Moments:

2008-03-06T14:00:00.000-08:00

Awkward Moment #1 – Little People and Six-Inch Sandwiches

Today I went to my usual Subway to order my usual sweet onion chicken teriyaki for lunch. In front of me in line was a little person who ordered a six-inch turkey on white. Beyond the sneeze guard was the sandwich-making assembly line of snotty teenage girls. What followed was one of those awkward social moments everyone hopes to avoid.
As we progress through the sandwich-making process we get to a gal who looks at me and says:

“Sir, what veggies would you like on your turkey?” not seeing the little person in front of me.
“That’s my sandwich!” declares the little person.
“Sir, hello?! What veggies?!”
“Down here! That’s my sandwich!”
“SIR!” shouts the snotty teenager.
I finally make eye-gestures in the direction of the little person who is standing beneath the sneeze guard waving her hands.
“Oh.” says the snotty teenager, obviously embarrassed.

I wish I had just taken the “drive-thru”

Awkward Moment #2 – A Mouth Full of Blood

After eating my oh so sweet onion chicken teriyaki, I found myself clawing at the inner recesses of my mouth in attempts to dislodge an epic bit of food from between my teeth. I should preface that I am at work with nary a strand of floss in reach. “Think creatively, Keny!” I urge myself as my desperation increases. I reach for a spool of the ribbon we use for balloons on our street-side advertising. Looking into the mirror, I wedge the ribbon between my teeth, using force tantamount to cutting cold butter. POP – I penetrate to the gum-line, triumph!

Unfortunately, the ribbon had become perma-stuck in between my two teeth as well. The situation is quickly escalating my level of desperation. I yank and pull with enough pressure to almost rip out my teeth; the damn ribbon still won’t come out. Feeling somewhat foolish being at work with ribbon hanging out of my mouth and the thought of buyers walking in at any possible moment, I resort to the easy solution, albeit painful end. I pull the paper-thin ribbon from one end. Several inches-worth slide between my teeth cutting deep into my gums in what feels like the worst paper cut of my life.

I have successfully removed the ribbon but not without massive blood loss. My mouth is pooling with blood faster than I can spit it out. And I know, with my luck, buyers will walk in at any moment to find a realtor with blood literally pouring out his mouth.

Obama is not a Muslim!

2008-03-03T14:31:00.000-08:00

He was just drunk in vegas with Kaylan and I:

Random Photos:

2008-02-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

2008-02-17T21:41:00.001-08:00

Virtual Economies

2008-01-28T11:34:00.000-08:00

So I won’t lie, several months ago out of morbid curiosity I created an avatar and joined the fantasy virtual world of Second Life. This came out of a conversation I had with Richard over the virtual economies these online fantasy worlds create. If you are unfamiliar here is the premise in a nutshell: Nerdy people with no social skills and no lives can create an online version of themselves (avatar - usually the fantasy version of what the person really looks like) and interact with other nerdy people in this island that exists somewhere in cyber space.

These nerdy people can hang out in bars, dance clubs, even the mall. While you are in this world your purpose is to acquire objects of your desire and a network of cyber-social friends (basically you just recreate a real life as much as possible, only online). Now for the part that I actually find somewhat interesting: to accomplish these goals you get jobs, accumulate wealth in the form of a currency that can actually be converted into U.S. dollars when you cash them out, and buy virtual objects with this virtual money (which again equals real money…anyone else find this a problem?).

This is where the economist in me starts to drool with intrigue. Here you have a sub-economy based on nothing more than virtual commodities - objects that aren’t real except for in the minds of those people who buy and sell them. The same axiomatic laws of supply and demand found in our own ‘free market’ govern this nerd-economy. However, the Second Life economy has many advantages not found in our traditional market system.

First, one does not necessarily need a vast amount of startup capital to create a virtual enterprise, nor does one need the expertise for building houses, making toys, or making clothes. This creates a situation of easy entry/exit for market participants, one of the critical aspects of perfect competition in a capitalist system. Second, it is truly a global enterprise where anyone with a computer and a high-speed connection can exchange with people anywhere else in the world. Unlike EBay, there are no REAL goods being exchanged, nothing is really produced, nothing is really shipped, nothing really happens in this exchange at all! Yet people are, in fact, getting rich in Second Life. Skimming off a healthy profit from those people who believe that the goods and services they purchase in Second Life are any bit as good as the ones in their first life.

My intrigue into the world of Second Life had subsided after only a week. Why would I spend time sitting at home on my computer hanging out at a virtual bar with virtual people when I could be out doing the real thing with real friends? I finally uninstalled the program from my computer when I found my androgynous avatar wandering a nude beach (apparently you even have to buy genitalia in Second Life)…I was officially bored. I had almost completely forgotten about Second Life until today, while sipping my morning coffee and reading the latest edition of The Economist I found this little snippet:

“There was no escape for inventors from the commotion in world markets this week. A financial crisis also hit Second Life, a popular online virtual world, which had to close the doors on a dozen banks that refused to pay out high returns on avatars’ deposits.”

I damn near choked on my coffee! The venerable Economist magazine reporting that the Second Life economy has grown and integrated enough to be susceptible to the eternal ebb and flow of world financial markets! Ladies and gentleman lets welcome the newest entry into the world market – no not a country, not an international financier, nor a multi-governmental entity, but an online game where commodities of nothingness are exchanged at a price. The evolution of capitalism knows no bounds. God help us all.

Sundance 2008: Death in Love & Henry Poole is Here.

2008-01-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday I took a break from the hustle and bustle of Sundance to get back to the real world a bit and do the whole work/school thing. However on Tuesday and Thursday I had the opportunity to see some interesting films.

Tuesday night I crawled up Parley’s Canyon to see Death in Love in Park City. Sheena, Jamie, Mandy and I were definitely not prepared for the cold weather. While we dressed for cold weather, we didn’t anticipate TWO-DEGREE cold weather. Yeah that’s right, only two. Thus, waiting for the shuttle in the frigid temps became a game of squirming and huddling like Antarctic penguins.

The film was fascinating, though by far not among my top faves. It was a modern day drama with this sub-text of a Nazi Germany love story between a prison guard and a prisoner (at least I think). The majority of the film presented the struggle of a man coming to grips with mid-life, a fucked up family, and the search for the right girl in a not so typical view of modern life in New York (i.e. not glitzy, not terribly exciting, very real).

Afterwards the director/screenwriter, Boaz Yakin, discussed the film a bit with the audience. He said that he based many of the emotions off of his own experiences in life, though many of the actual events in the story that create those emotions were fictional (and many were not). He elaborated further on how the Nazi element was more symbolic of events that happened in the past, before many of us were born, that have such a huge effect, weight, and impact, even if indirectly, on our lives now. The cast was also on hand, including Josh Lucas and Jacqueline Bisset. (sorry for the annoying watermark)

Last night Richard and I reclaimed our balcony seats with my father, Eva, Chris, and Ashley at the Rose Wagner to see the Henry Poole is Here, starring Luke Wilson (not present at the movie, boooo!). The film was great, although the ending was a bit sappy. It’s a feel-good if you’re looking for one and has some incredibly funny moments. It’s about a man coming to terms with life, death, his haunting childhood, and his new neighbors...oh, and Jesus makes an appearance. I recommend.

The fun is still not over! Tonight I am headed back up to Park City to see Blue Eyelids with Kaylan, Richard and Ed. Sure to be a fun time. We are going to try to hit up the Tromadance party. Our experience of all its craziness last year left us wanting more this year.

Sundance 2008: Almost Famous!

2008-01-22T13:13:00.000-08:00

Many of you remember my New Year’s resolution of becoming a local celebrity in 2008. The first step to accomplishing this goal is strategic seat positioning at a Sundance film. Last night at the Rose Wagner Theater in downtown SLC, the crew set out to see a documentary called Derek. As we walked along the upper balcony to pick out or seats it dawned on us to commandeer the uber-exclusive looking balcony situated with its own velvet rope and curtain (to keep out the riff-raffs).

Step two: While the public takes notice it is important to talk loudly into your cell phone like a self-important asshole (not during the actual movie).

Step Three: Point and wave in acknowledgement to signal your popularity and excellent networking skills (even if you are just pointing and waving into thin air).

By following these three easy steps you too can climb your way up socialite ladder and developing your very own fan-base. Fan #1 is named Carol. She is a volunteer for the Sundance Institute. She asked us for autographs and to have pictures taken with us. Once you have the fans, the paparazzi are not far behind.

Of course we were really there for the films ;) Derek is a documentary about the late Derek Jarman, a groundbreaking English filmmaker who pushed the boundaries on gender identity, art, cinema, and politics. His avant-garde style is truly post-modern, mixing genres from Greek mythology and Catholic pomp to S&M and punk. The documentary was an art-film in its own right, shrugging off the stale methodologies of traditional documentary filmmaking for stylistic experimentation and a multi-layered narrative. The film was interesting, I will definitely be looking for Jarman films next time I'm perusing the indie section of the video store.

Sundance 2008: GLAAD Media Awards

2008-01-21T08:52:00.000-08:00

Thank you Absolut Vodka for the open bar last night! These are just a few of the people Kaylan and I partied with (p.s. I just realized after watching this that Kaylan and I asked Steve Fales from Confessions From a Mormon Boy to take our picture).

Sundance 2008: The Party Begins…

2008-01-20T19:33:00.000-08:00

Yes, its officially THAT time of year when Utah magically transforms itself from the ordinary to the extraordinary. Parties, stars, swag, this place is overrun with glam and I decided I’d soak it up this year. I elbowed my way into five films, three of which are premiers. Kaylan and I kicked off the festivities with The Bravery show pictured below. They really do a great live show with lots of energy, good sound, and even a few dives into the crowd by the very good looking bassist.

Tonight Kaylan and I attended the invite-only GLAAD media awards right on Main Street, Park City. There were famous people abound, even if we couldn’t figure out exactly what they were famous for. We ran into Jared Leto on the street, leaning against a wall with his eyes closed… ok his eyes were actually wide open and he was walking but whatever. We left the party tipsy and fully loaded with bags of free swag and ended the night with a little Main Street shopping spree where a few great laughs were had. More on Sundance tomorrow when we see our first film “Derek.”

Caribbean Highlights

2008-01-05T09:46:00.000-08:00

I can't think of a better way to spend Christmas than being in the Caribbean with nary a snow flake in sight. The Toombs/Wilks clan set out for the eastern Caribbean this holiday season dropping by Puerto Rico, St. Maarten, and Haiti. We spent Christmas Eve perusing San Juan Puerto Rico and hitting up Senor Frogs. Christmas morning we were snorkeling in St. Maarten where I happened upon a sunken submarine (very cool). And we took a brief jungle tour followed by a zip line free fall down a mountain in Haiti. There was plenty of rock climbing, surfing, drinking, hot-tubbing, tanning, drinking, eating, drinking to go around on the worlds largest passenger ship. Definitely my favorite cruise so far!